I like Lists

I like lists.  I like to cross things off lists... a lot.  Sometimes I'll make lists and add things that I've already accomplished just so I can cross it off.  But this isn't a crossing off list.  It's just a regular list.  And as you know this blog is no stranger to my lists...  so here goes another one. 

Things I have issues with at the moment:

• anything but wax dental floss (the other ones snag and break apart)
• seeing toe-independent shoes at zumba or kickboxing (sorry shea)
• liars
• overly cocky people (you are not that special/cute/funny/smart/etc.)
• people who don't wear normal deodorant (get out of here with that organic shit - you stink)
• people with bad breathe
• how expensive Arlington housing is
• a teacher's salary
• This Nicki Minaj song:
• skinny girls who think they are fat
• students who come to school unkempt (issue with the parents, not the child)
• the men at school who have been "hollering" since my new found singledom
• not being tan
• the lack of adult hiphop classes (zumba doesn't count)
• that these people are still relevant and that people are still watching their show

Things I do not have issues with:

• Trader Joe's turkey corn dogs
• Trader Joe's Fresh Linen Hand Soap
• 12 days left of school
• raindrops on roses
• whiskers on kittens
• bright copper kettles
• warm woolen mittens
• brown paper packages tied up with strings
• Charlotte's Web and popcorn party with Ms. H's class on Friday
• Ylang Ylang
• Meditation/Yoga
• supportive friends
• buses to NYC
• Jenna Marbles:
• new born babies
• laughter
• cheesy RomComs
• writing in a journal (or blog) [are you there God?, it's me, Margaret]
• reading the newest postApocalypse book that is said to be the next "Hunger Games"
• Summer cleaning (I'm a little behind the times)
• high heels
• that my BFF is moving back to DC at the end of July
• Stupid Puns:  You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass.
• body pillows such as this one

All in the Jeans

Let's start with something that made me chuckle:
Mexican joke and black jokes are pretty much all the same.... once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

Now, I'm going to brag about something that none of you (well, maybe my girls) will be remotely interested in or can relate to.  So, guys, I will not be offended if you do not continue to read this.  Here goes:  I fit into my "skinny" jeans.  And no, I'm not talking about the hipster type skinny jeans that are all the rage.  I'm talking my jeans that used to fit when I was a lot smaller that I've held onto in hopes that one day I would fit into them.  Are they the skinniest of my "skinny" jeans?  No, but like my transformation into a more grown up me, I'm taking baby steps.  Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Growing up I was the awkward chubby kid.  No confidence.  No sense of style.  No breasts (puberty hit me late in life).  I had friends (some of the popular kids even) and had a pretty active social life until I changed schools and had to make.new.friends.  Oh, the horror.  And it was hard.  I was the new kid in high school and I hadn't found my niche yet.  Eventually, I found what made me happy and with that came the friends.  But still, I was awkward, chubby and had low self-esteem. 

It wasn't until senior year of high school that I magically woke up with large C cup breasts.  And hips.  I had no idea what to do with them.  So I did what any high school girl would do - I flaunted them.  But I was still awkward so it didn't really matter too much.  In fact, I think I only let 2 boys actually touch them (only two).  When I got to college, I avoided the Freshmen 15 and, instead, managed to drop a lot of weight.  How?  I'm not quite sure.  But it was awesome.  I finally felt great about myself and was having fun with lots of dude.  I even went out with two dudes from the basketball team (Michelle - you keep your mouth shut).

It wasn't until after college that I started to come into my own.  I learned how to accentuate my positives and hide my flaws.  It was here that I started to feel pretty.  And in turn, people could see that.  And they became drawn to it.  Confidence is sexy.  And it wasn't until this time in my life that I was fully able to see that.  So, from then on, I became better and better inside and out. 

And then sometimes you get into a relationship that makes you forget that eating out and laying around together and drinking wine all the time isn't good for your waist line.  And when that expands, your confidence plummets.  And then you become insecure.  And that's when all hell breaks loose.  And then you break up.  Then you realize and accept what happened and then you start getting your life back together.  And that's when the confidence comes back.  And you look and feel great again.  This is where I am right now. 

Going back to the beginning, I am now able to fit into my "skinny" jeans from even before I started this past relationship.  I am making a promise to myself to continue to work on myself until I can reach the college me.  And I will not let any relationship keep me from doing that.  I hate to say such a corny line, but... like a fine wine, I keep getting better with age.  And being Asian has helped this case.  A lot.  And it's awesome!

It's interesting to see how much a pair of "skinny" jeans can do for a person's confidence...  I guess sometimes materialistic things can bring out amazing qualities in a person.

Thoughts of the Day

A hodgepodge of things going around in my mind at the moment....

Here is an article that I found to be hilarious and yet spoke the truth.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  Call me, Maybe  I will most likely be trying this line this weekend. 

Thanks to a few good gentlemen who told me about this song, I have become obsessed.  It's been on repeat.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.... I present:  Imagine Dragons

One of my student stepped in dog poop this morning and was trying to wash his shoe off... and then I had to clean up the aftermath.  Not really trusting the school soap (even after several washes), I doused myself in Germ-X.   That shit smells like Cucumber Melon lotion...  And that's when I was taken back to my Bath and Body Work days (my very first job).  And I remember having to stand at the door offering to give hand massages to people who walked by.  And let me tell you, there are a lot of creepy men out there. 

I will be MIA again this weekend given the fact that it's Memorial Day weekend... I will be in NYC doing things that have always been on my bucket list.  AND... to top it off, I just recently found out that it will be Fleet Week there... [insert semen joke here]... 

May you all have a happy Friday but most importantly, a very happy and safe Memorial Day weekend... Don't forget that this weekend is not merely about BBQs, orange crushes and the start of summer...  it's about remembering the men and women who died while serving in the US Armed Forces.  Hug a soldier... I know I'll do my part!  ::winkwink::

Tales of the 2nd Grade Nothing

As I was catching up some students that have been absent the past few days, I was at my kidney table watching the rest of my class do their morning work - silently.  And I know I've complained about this year being rough (which it has been) but I keep forgetting to mention how much I love each one as individuals - mostly because they remind me so much of myself.  Each one of them channels Ms. K is some way, shape or form.  

• I have the studious one who reminds me a lot of myself when I was growing up.  She's meticulous, organized, a perfectionist, loves to learn and a little awkward.  She's a lot quirky, too.  I mean - that's me in a nutshell.  She's my favorite (althought I know I shouldn't be saying that).  
• Then there's the tall girl who is REALLY awkward and clumsy.  She's trips on everything.  And each time she does, she looks around with a big smile and says "I'm okay."  This one time she tripped on her own two feet and flew head first into my plastic bin of Expo markers, cracking it down the middle and knocking the entire shelf over.  While other kids would have cried, she simply stood up and said "Oops, I'm okay."  Atta girl!
• Then there's the ADHD student who I catch a lot of times daydreaming with a big goofy grin on his face.  He does this when he's on his meds and off his meds.  He's a dreamer at heart I guess, just like me. 
• Then there's the nerdy boy who loves LOVES science and anything related to science/animals.  He makes these weird faces while he reads about these things... faces that I catch myself making when I read, too.  He often times will come up to me with his non-fiction book and point out something fascinating.  I used to do this with my college roommate while I was taking Biology and she would just look at me, uninterested.  I, at least, acknowledge what he's showing me (mostly because it's pretty cool). 
• I know I've mentioned Mini-me.  Well she is just adorable and has the best style in the classroom.  Mostly because she's copies what I wear.  If I wear my blue pants to school, she wears hers the very next day.  If I wear my HK vans one day, she'll wear them the next (same with my TOMs).  The reverse is not the same...  if I were to come to school wearing some of the things she looks adorable in, I would just look ridiculous.  There is no way I could pull off a HK shirt with grey sweatpants tucked into a pair of Uggs... but she makes it work.  +1 for Mini-me. 
• Then there is my other mini-me...  she makes the same facial expressions as me.  And just as children were created to make fun of, I often catch myself smiling at her with a big cheesy grin so that I can see her awkward smile... and then laugh silently to myself.  Here is a picture of the kind of smile she gives me when I smile at her:

please note that this is not my student, duh!

• Then there is the quiet girl who watches people.  And when she's ready, she joins in on the fun.  She's also the first one to ask someone who is hurt or upset what the matter is.  She's a gentle soul with a big heart.  I connect with her on this level.  Now if only people could see that she is hurting as her parents are going through a terrible divorce and return sympathy and kindess....
• How about my student who takes things personally.  But he also thinks things through before he does anything.  I can look at him and see the wheels in his head turning.  He takes time to come up with an answer but whe he does it's usually very deep and reflective.  Shoot, I've always been know to do that myself. 

Those are only a few of my students this year.  Each student is so different yet so similar in their own way.  It's been a challenging year, both professionally and personally, but as each day goes by I grow stronger.  They've taught me so much already about how strong I am and how capable I am.  There's only 15 1/2 days left of school and I can honestly say that I will miss these students terribly.

Blast from the Past

Do you remember from my grad school days when I would go to Panera and do all my work for class (and make googly eyes and witty comments at C, who I thought at the time would be the next love of my life)?  And do you remember that there was an older gentleman there who would always wear camo and try and have converstaions with me?  And do you remember that on the very last day I was to be at Panera he whispered into my ear "You're too young for Big Daddy" and then I vomitted in my mouth?  If that wasn't already going to be my last day at Panera it sure as hell would have been. 

Fast forward to 2 years later.  I am on my way to school and stop by my Starbucks for my usual iced venti red-eye when I hear a "Pssss!"  Not normally one to answer cat calls, I was slightly intrigued to see who had the nerve to "Psss" someone at 7:30 in the morning.  I turn my head to the right and, lo and behold, it's Big Daddy... wearing the same camo gear and still sporting his big white beard.  Are you kidding me?  What was I to do? 

Well, I tell you what I did.  I nodded my head to acknowledge him as not to seem like a total B and continued my way to get my morning upper.  Haider, my flirty barista, upgraded my venti to a trenta (as usual) and I was on my merry way... or so I thought.  As I was fixing up my drink at the sugar station, Big Daddy yells from behind his computer "Looks like we'll be seeing a lot of each other again."  Dagger.  He rememebered me.

My dilemna:  do I continue to go to my usual Starbucks and get free upgrades and self-eestem boosting compliments from Haider while avoiding Bid Daddy or do I find a new place to get my morning coffee?  Keep in mind that there are only 17 days left of school and I will be moving in August.  I can do 17 days, right? 

I wish I had a picture of Big Daddy for you.  But, alas, I do not. 

The Truth Hurts

I've been told in the past that I'm not a very good communicator... that I'm stubborn and I put a wall up.  It's something that I've dealing with for a while now. And only a true friend can be brutally honest with you about these things.  Because, while it's still an outsider's opinion and you don't want to hear it, it's usually the God's honest truth and someone who knows you that well knows it.  It's been a huge eye opener for me. 

Here are a few things that you might not know about me:

• I don't like to cry in front of people.  I have always equated crying with weakness.  I know that's wrong.  Crying is not a sign of weakness.  Crying is purely the pouring out of your emotions. It relieves you of stress and loosens up your emotions.  And let's be honest, emotion is the ultimate form of character.  To me, I always feel vulnerable when I shed tears...  But it's only now that I can see how beautiful vulnerability is.
• I have been taught to think before you speak.  This is one reason why I don't communicate very well.  I listen (and I pride myself on being a good listener).  I take things in.  I need time to think and process things.  Somethings take longer to process.  And then it takes me a while to come up with a right response.  This is where I have a hard time.  This is where I am a walking contradiction. I'm an instant gratification kind of person but I need lots of time for this.  How does one change this?  Do I screw my filter and say what I mean?  Let's be honest, without my filter I wouldn't have a job.  Do you know how many times I've wanted to say stuff to my students, co-workers or even my boss but knew otherwise? 
• I am lousy at forgiving myself.  No explanation necessary. 

And it's these things that I'm working on.  Communication.  Emotions.  Vulnerability.  Forgiveness.  So here goes nothing...

Today, I ended all communcation with someone who I thought would be in my life forever.  Someone who I felt was one of my soulmates.  That person who understood and connected with me in every way and on every level, which brought a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when I was around them.  Yeah, that person.  And it was hard.  But it was necessary.  Necessary for me to work on myself - to change the above things so that I can truly be successful in all relationships of my life.  I've already seen some growth in some of these areas but I know I have not reached my full potential.  Without struggle there is no progress.  I have good days.  I have bad days.  But in the end I know that I will come out a better person. 

Will I eventually re-connect with this person?  Who knows.  I would like to think I will.  I'm not sure I believe in the whole "if you love something set it free.  If it comes back to you, it's yours.  If it doesn't, it never was."  I used to.  But the older I get, the more reality hits.  While I still believe in true love, I also believe in hard work.  Hard work to get what you want.  Keep trying, hold on, and always believe in yourself.  Nothing easy is ever worth it. 

And, if you are all wondering:  Yes, I was crying while writing this.  Because vulnerability is beautiful and I am beautiful inside and out. 

See?  I'm already off to a good start. 

Miss me?

I *thought* I would be blogging a lot this weekend with anticipations of being hungover on the couch with my red computer. 

But I was wrong...


I was swamped with beautiful weather stuff.

And tribal drum circles.

And the opening of Artomatic.

And wearing hot pink lipstick.

And cab rides.

And wearing high heels.

And listening to the worst band at C.Grill.

And Pedialyte.

And brunch with mimosas.

And unexpectedly exploring Falls Church after unexpectedly bumping into an old friend.

And more than usual amounts of showering.

And lamp chops, crabcakes, filet sliders, scallops and colossal sssskrimps.

And a lot of open bar booze.

And fedora hats.

And a crazy Bob Ross look-a-like with light colored jeans.

And a dozen red roses.

And Ozio's rooftop with the bartender that looks like JGL.

And hot, sexy dancing with two hot, sexy California girls.

And Kanye West sunglasses for DJ Lookz birthday.

And celebrating one of my best friend's engagement.

And a 2 am ShinRamen run with the Small.

And coffee runs with my Oma.

And Zumba-ing for poor Haitian and Dominican Republican children.

And a belated Mother's Day dinner.

And al fresco ice cream.

And procrastinating.


I had a fabulous time this weekend.  Plus:  I have a lot of fun stories to tell.  And I'll let you punks in on a little secret.  I missed you. 

WTF?!

I have no idea what to write for this.  Excpet that the writer, D, is 8 years old. 
I'm pleased to share it with you as it is pretty hilarious and it speaks volumes about the teaching that I did this year.  Don't be jealous when I tell you but she sang this for me.  And it was amazeballs.  ::tears::

Nostalgia

Do you remember this?  Ancient technology by today's standards but futuristic when I was using it. 

Yup, the Discman.

And do you remember this movie? 

Nope, me neither.  I never saw it.  But.... you might remember something else about that movie that made it somewhat of a "hit."  Do you remember what the #1 song was from that movie was?
Let me remind you....

::sigh::  I can't believe I'm about to say this, but what a pretty song.  Tugs at my heart strings. 

Last night I was reminded of this song and it brought me back to 1998.  And I literally LOLed thinking back to what a complete and utter hopeless romantic nerd I used to be.

I used to listen to this song on my discman as I tried to fall asleep each night.  Over and over and over and over....  and I'm not sure if my "repeat" button was broken (or if they had not yet invented repeat) but I remember having to constantly reach over to my nightstand to start the song over again.  I'm pretty sure I was hoping that listening to this song with give me romantic dreams of my crushes falling in love with me... 

While I am completely embarrassed that I just admitted that, I feel a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 

Good vs. Great

I've been doing a lot of reflection lately and have realized something that doesn't completely sit well with me. 
I'm naturally good at a lot of things but I don't think I'm great at anything - I don't excel in one thing. I have friends that are great musicians.  I have friends that are great story tellers.  I have friends that are great artists.  I have friends that are great at picking up men and/or women.  I have friends that are great stylists.  I have friends that are great cooks.  I have friends that are great planners. I have friends that are great computer engineers.  I am none of these things.

Here's my thought though...  is it better to know about many things in a "good" or "above-average" way rather than excel at a few things and be very deficient at a few things?  It's sort of like my doctor friends who are super smart book-wise but have no common sense whatsoever.  If I grew up exceling at something, would that mean that I would not be good at some of the things I'm currently good at?  Can I have the best of both worlds?

I know I'm good at a lot of things.  For example:

• I'm a good cook (not great.  I'm not one of those people who can see ingredients in a pantry and put something delicious together)
• I'm a good teacher (I could potentially be a great one, but not this year with these kids)
• I'm good at reading books from all different genres.
• I'm a good driver (no comments necessary - disregard the huge rusted scratch on my tire wheel.. I blame the confined spaces in the parking garage)
• I'm a good friend and partner
• I'm good at drawing something if I have a picture of it in front of me (I can't draw from nothing)
• I'm good at shoe shopping
• I'm a good dancer (not great - but I can get down)
• I'm good at loving people (thought I don't tell people often - which is why I'm not great at it)
• I'm a good napper
• I'm good at switching up my look
• I'm good at keeping time and promises
• I'm a good cuddleraper (ask Michelle)

There are just a few things...  but what am I great at?  What do I excel in?  Can I find one thing I'm interested in enough to become excellent in?

• Often times I wonder that the thing that I will be great at won't happen until the future. 
• Maybe I'm meant to be a great mother. 
• Or a great wife. 
• Or a great bag/cat lady 
• Sometimes I think that I should have followed my medical path and excelled that way. 
• Could I have found a cure for cancer...
• Or herpes... 
• Or Alzheimers?
• Maybe I'll be discovered and become a great face model.  I mean, have you seen my symmetrical my face is?  And let's not forgot my most favorite feature - my lips.  Like, woah.
• I could try harder and become a great teacher.  Let's work on that for next year as there are only 22 days left in school for this year.
• I could also try to learn another instrument.  I failed at the flute, the recorder and the guitar.  Maybe I should try the trombone...  just a thought.

Anyways, these are just a few of the things that are running around in my head.  I probably shouldn't dwell on them so much.  I know that one day I'll discover that THING, but for now I'm enjoying being good at most things and not great at anything. 

A Smart Man

One of my favorite quotes ever belongs to a very wise man named Mahatma Gandhi.
..."be the change you wish to see in the world"...  while I love this quote for the message is says, it was also very daunting to me.  How can one do this?  And then I came across this picture of Gandhi's Top 10 Fundamentals for Changing the World.  And then it all made sense to me. 

There is so much I could say about this poster but will just let his words do all the talking.  Take a minute to read and reflect on each one.  It will do wonders for your soul. 

Hotels

I love hotels.  I love how the rooms are so similiar yet so different.  Sounds a little contradictory, but life is full of contradictions (right, Starbursts?).  I love the mystery that comes with staying at a hotel.  Who stayed in the room before?  What kinds of things happened?  Why are people staying at the hotel?  Is that someone's mistress?  What do people wonder when they see me at a hotel?

There was a time when I was working at a consulting firm and I was in charge of planning a conference.  I had set up a meeting at the Omni Shoreham in DC and my boss wanted to come check it out with me.  So, we went together.  Let me tell you that my boss was 60 years old... and not attractive in the least.  I was much younger and wore my tightest pencil skirt (a different story for a different day) when I knew I was going to be venturing into the city.  When we arrived at the hotel and the two of us got out of the car together, I saw several people glance and whisper.  It was awkward.  But that's the kind of mystery I'm talking about. 

I've been to several hotels in several cities and countries.  I've been to cheap ones, medium prices ones, the over prices ones... I've tried them all.  This past weekend I was in my best friends wedding at the Hay Adams Hotel in DC.  This hotel, by far, is the best hotel I've ever stayed at.  Carrie was upgraded to the Presidental Suite - yes, the same suite where the Obama's lived before his inauguration.  So, while we were busy doing wedding day things I sat in chairs where he sat.  I used the bathrooms he used.  I saw the same view of his home as he did.  It was everything you could imagine. I mean, check out this view:

Incredible.

The people at the Hay Adam's were some of the friendliest people.  I never had to open a door, hail a cab or wait for anything.  It was like being treated like a princess.  It was nice at first, but the novelty wore off.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it but I also felt guilty that these people were doing things that I was completely capable of doing.  Weird, right?

One word to describe the rooms:  toile.  Everything was toile.  It was lovely.  The beds were the most comfortable beds I've EVER slept in.  I had to fight using all my strength to untuck my bed but when I did, I was able to wrap myself like a burrito and be enveloped by fluffy cloud like heaven.   This is a picture of my bed for the weekend.  I love that they gave me lots of pillows to chose from.

And with those extra pillows, I made myself a nice cuddle buddy to put my butt on (again, a different story for a different time).

Each night, they would come in and leave slippers at the foot of the bed, chocolates on the pillow and the weather forecast for the next day.  It was delightful.  And the slippers were so comfortable... I was tempted to take them with me but thought differently when I was trying to guess how much they would charge me.  $50? $100?  Not sure... so I didn't take the risk.

Look how cute the panda bear is.  You were supposed to leave him on your bed if you wanted to be eco-friendly and keep your linens.  Cute and caring...  impressive, Hay Adams... super impressive.

I think my favorite part of the hotel was the toilet.  You know you're at a super fancy hotel when you have the option of heated seats to keep your butt warm while you do your business.  It's also awesome when you have rear and front cleansing options.  A bidet times 3.  I gotta be honest (I didn't tell anyone this) but I tried it out - both front and rear.  And it was weird.  Weird with a hint of exhilaration.  Imagine a warm stream of water splashing your undercarriage. 

So, after all is said and done... this hotel gets a 10 out of 10 stars in my book.  It is definitely a hotel that everyone should check out when celebrating a special occasion - if only for one night.  The whole reason I was able to stay at such a classy hotel was, for sure, a very special occasion - Carrie and Christian's wedding.  And, in case you were all wondering, the wedding was incredible - the best wedding to date and a gorgeous wedding for the books.   I will leave you with one last picture - me with the bride after a fabulous night...  right before heading back to the wonderfully fluffy hotel bed.

Bachelorette Party Part 2

We started our morning after by eating leftover chicken tenders in bed.  Wash that down with some Pedialyte and we were good to go.... and by go, I mean back to bed for another hour.  We finally dragged our hungover asses up (won't tell you who threw up the night before, however, I will say that we each all vomitted that weekend) and got dressed for lunch.  As I was walking to the bathroom, Kat fucking screamed and it shocked all of us.  All she could say, in her hungover state, was "the chair!" as she pointed to the hotel chair.  "The Chair!!"  As I walk over to the chair she is pointing at, I noticed that I disappeared.  Ooooh, shit!  Check out the camo!

Didn't see me there, did ya?

After a few laughs we decided that we were in desperate need for some pho.  Lucky for us, D. Trump knows what's up and had a noodle place right down the stairs.  We're talking pho with tripe and tendon and some sort of meatball that resembled testicles.  And it was as delicious as it was life saving.  Our server was amazing and brought over some free dessert.  Again:  bachelorettes get free shit.  Pretend to be one the next time we get pho... I mean, go out.

green tea and coconut gelato.  yumsicles!

Our after lunch plan of outlet shopping, boardwalking and Cinco de Mayo barhopping turned into a 3 hour nap....  ::drool::  And it was very welcomed.  Upon waking up, we made reservations for dinner and got dressed to go out.  With no intention of drinking.  Pssh!  I know, right?  Dinner at Continental was delightful... and we were suckered into getting some Watermelon Margaritas.  We decided to push ourselves and continued to drink.  After dinner, we wandered around the slots at Caesars and lost big bucks!  Mallory: -20, Michelle: -50, Angela: -1.  Damn you and your stupid haircut!!  Our night was ruined.....

.... that is until we walked next door to Bally's and walked into the Wild Wild West... a 24 hour HH Saloon.  $2 bought you either a shot, a mixed drink or a beer.  Ummm, jackpot!  After we got several rounds and watched the dancers on the bar, we decided to walk around the place.  This was the exact moment we ran into the friendliest Marines ever.  With our bachelorette dare cards in tow, we had a blast challenging ourselves.  Enjoy!

Spun the wheel and landed on beer.

Oh, hello there hotness!  Your friends told us you would take your shirt off and flex...  my only question:  how is he able to maintain such a body if he's.... well, you know?  Kudos to him!

Mallory - what exactly is it that we are woohooing? 

OH! that's right!  You got not one, but TWO men to take off their boxers and give them to you at the bar.  I hope you used some handsanitizer!

So that bar was amazing... I mean, how can you not have a great time at a bar that has a midget as their hype man.  Check it out!

Is this picture keeping me from getting into heaven?

On to the next bar!!
We travelled all the way to Atlantic City to watch..... you guessed it, Kristen & the Noise!!!
Back to the Borgata to the Gypsy Club to hear some covers and make googly eyes at their guitarist.

I just met you.. and this seems crazy... but here's my number... so call me, maybe.

During intermission we found a spot to rest our feet and we were immediately bombarded by a group of Lawyers from...  wait for it, wait for it.... NYC!  These fellas were up for anything.  Hillary drew a card that said to kiss a man with a mustache.  Wouldn't you know it, one of them had the most molestor mustache ever. 

See the dude in the straw hat photobombing?  Turns out it was his bachelor party and he ordered the wedders-to-be (is this right?) a blow job shot.  Unlike myself, who can take a blow job shot like noneother, Mallory couldn't get her mouth around the glass.  And, if you can imagine, the whole bar starts chanting "her poor fiance!"  Me, being a good bridesmaid, held the glass up for her to take the shot. 

Relaxin the throat like a champ!  Atta girl!

Then there was their friend, Pilot, who was an Air Traffic Controller.  Here are several pictures of him at the bar.... not sure about you but after seeing this, I never want to fly ever again.

I know, right?  Moving right along...

We finally met their friend Basil.  You read that right... his name was Basil.  I checked his ID and everything.  Basil.  He seemed to be the most sober and nicest one of the group.  So naturally I gave him the worst card and that changed both of those attributes.  Unfortunately, I will not tell you the name of the shot as it is highly offensive but I will tell you that it contained Jim, Jack, Johnny and Jose.  Yoinks! And what's more unfortunate is that he would only take that shot if I took one with him.  And even more unfortunate about this whole episode is that I didn't say no.  Vomit on a dick it was disgusting!!

Gross!

 And this is the point where we all had to leave...  but not without getting a group shot!

Wait... I think that guy was as drunk as us...  he took a video.  One more turn.

Shooooot.... no dice.  Then we found someone who had not just taken a disgustingly foul shot.

Nailed it!

None of us remember the cab ride home.  And none of us remember how we found our way back to the hotel room.  But when we woke up the next morning, we found chicken tenders in our bed and honey mustard stains on the sheets.... at least we hope it was honey mustard.  We will never know.  Now that's what you call a great weekend!

Here are some things we will take away with us from this weekend:

1. Cabs cannot charge more than $15 dollars for a trip.
2. Bachelorettes get free shit errywhere they go.
3. Kristen and the Noise are awesome at any venue.
4. Alcohol is the devil.
5. Chicken tenders are magical foods.
6. Melissa Gorga's "On Display" should be every girl's theme song.
7. Michelle likes to be cuddle-raped.
8. Pedialyte is not effective if thrown up right after drinking it. 
9. There are no Taco Bells on the ride home that are easily accessible.
10. Donald Trump is no where to be found in AC. 

Teacher Appreciation Gift?

The same student from my post yesterday, S, came in today and asked me if I wanted a piece of gum.  First:  gum in forbidden at school.  Second:  it looks totally fake.  But, I was happy to oblige. 

S:  Ms. Kehler, would you like a piece of gum?


Look how fake it looks.  Also note that it's "Chuck E's" as in Chuck E. Cheese.


Me:  (humoringhim) Sure!  Thanks!

S starts cracking up and starts singing "La cucaracha" complete with arms movements and snaps.  After a few minutes of us shakin' it, he hands me a very nice card with a apple necklace inside of it.

I guess this gentleman really does appreciate me.  And that makes my job worth it. 

A few of my favorite things....

Have I ever told you about one of my favorite students, we'll call him S, who still happens to get under my skin about 99% of the time?  I have a love/hate relationship with S.  He's my emo kid whose favorite song is "Livin' On A Prayer"... and he's the one who told me he wished he were at Hogwards School for Witchcraft and Wizardy when I told him to do something he didn't want to do.  He's the one who wears his homemade Limp Bizkit t-shirt and the "I'm pretty much the coolest kid I know" t-shirt all the time.  He's also the student who can read anything put in front of him and understand it... one of the only students who seems to understand my sarcasm... and he's the first one to bring me gifts on special occasions.  Have I ever told you about S? I think I have... but let me tell you something else about S.  He is a gentleman.   

As I was DRA-ing him about the book he had just read, he farts a large one.  One that my dad would let rip.  And to make things worse (read: awesome!) he was sitting on a large plastic chair so the fart vibrated.  And he stopped and looked at me with his big doe-eyes and smiled a toothless smile.  And just as I was expecting him to say "excuse me", he continued with his summarizing.  And, if you know anything about me, you'll know that I had to turn my back to him and start laughing.  But I did it silently (unlike his fart). 

After his summarizing I replied to him "S, don't you want to say excuse me or something?  You totally just farted."  No response.  He went back to his test.  Normally I would have kept on going but this WAS an extremely important test so I didn't push the issue. 

Upon completion of the test as I was walking him out of the Library, he ran in front of me to open the door.  "After you" he said kindly.

"Thank you, S." I replied back.

"You're welcome!  I'm a gentleman!"  S. said with a smile. 

Really kid?  Because I'm pretty sure you just farted, acknowledged it, and refused to say excuse me.  Have I told you how much I love this kid?

I don't google so good.

A follower of mine has just let me know that my beloved Zumba instructor, Leo (from my previous post), does in fact have a past. 

Here are videos to see some old stuff of his:

Diggin' the outfits...

Have a fabulous day friends! 

Bacheloretty Party Part 1

This past weekend I was introduced to my new favorite YouTube celebrity.  And something she posted (that we watched and laughed about in the hotel bed) resonated with me and the debauchery that happened in Atlantic City. 
...Jaime Foxx taught me to blame it on the alcohol.  That alone eliminates a lot of things that I was concerned about before.  That shits not my fault.  That Goose had me feelin' loose...

 Here is the run-down on all the stuff that we will blame on the alcohol.  But first, let me show you our bathroom for the weekend.  Mirrors galore... like a fun house.  It was great being able to watch ourselves vomit from all sorts of angles... Thanks, Donald Trump.  You sure know what the ladies like.

Please note that Katniss Everdeen joined us for the bachelorette party.

Friday night was supposed to be our "low-key" night...  pshh...  I know what you're thinking.  Low-key night for a bachelorette weekend?  You've got to be kidding me.  You're right... we
 were kidding ourselves.   Here is a picture of the bride before dinner/drinks:

Notice how put together she is.  And notice the shoes... won't stay that way for long.

First night started off with dinner at Bobby Flay's Steakhouse at the Borgata.   BEST.MASHED.POTATOES.EVER!!  Thank goodness for those mashed tators or we would all have died.... little known fact: carbs are your friends during a bachelorette party weekend.  Whilst dining, Mallory went to the restroom and came back with a nice gentleman from NY in tow... oh look, here he is.  Ladies and Germs... say hello to Jamie.

Here is Jamie taking a spin on Mallory's drink wheel. 

He took a liking to Mallory's sister, "Kendra"...  he came back several times to chat with her and persuade us to have our "big" night with them at Mur.Mur.  Ummm, we were somewhat sober at this point so we were slightly hesitant.  And that's when the Goose started to make us loose... because this one time he came back with a round of shots.  Note to self:  bachelorettes get free shit.  Pretend to be a bachelorette the next time we go out. 

Slowly.... being... persuaded.... Then Jamie brought over the rest of his hedgefund friends... and they are the quintessential hedgefund NYers... flaunting their money... older... hairy.. wanted some young girls.  This one guy Mike would not give up.  And he persuaded us to go up with him (only him) to their Suite to get some champagne...  Blame.It.On.The.Alcohol.  And that is exactly what we did.  We went up with him (ready to 2, 3, 2 his ass if he got out of hand) and drank ALL OF THEIR ALCOHOL.  

First the champagne toast - we killed all 2 bottles. 

Look how cute we are!

So at this point you're probably wondering with this guy Mike looks like...  I'll get to that.  But the talls noticed that Mike liked the young smalls so we went exploring.  Here is Mallory and I riding in the elevator to their upstairs loft. 

Don't judge us... our heels were killing us.  Stairs would not do. 

Immediately upon exiting the elevator we saw a piano.  So we yelled down to Michelle to come up and see the piano...  Here is a picture of her REALLY REALLY excited to run up and see the piano whilst Mike talked to the smalls... 

Wait for me!  Michelle says

And this is where we blame the alcohol again.  We decide to take a photoshoot.  On.Top.Of.The.Piano.  Like this one:

And this is me trying to be sexy... attempt #1:

Nope... not quite. 

Attempt #2.... 

Nailed it!  But check out the dumps in the truck. Yoinks!

Here is Michelle attempting to do sexy piano time:

And here is Mallory trying to same:

And then we went into the hot tub area/massage parlor/sauna/fitness room...  let's just say we took some photos of us doing weird things.  Wading in the hot tub... running on the treadmill holding a glass of champagne... pretending to give birth on the creepy massage table... licking the nozzles from the showers...  Blame it on the alcohol, remember?  So now you're probably thinking that Mallory and I are horrible sister for leaving our baby sisters with random Mike.  Well, we went to check on them and here they are. 

Look how happy them look to be embraced by Mike. 

At this point, we all went back into the kitchen to make more drinks.  Here is a close up picture of Mike preparing our RB&Vs... 

Who is going to make out with me later?

After we finished our drinks, Mike escorted us to Mur.Mur where he and his friends had gotten table service.   So we joined them.  Except his friends are no where to be found.  They kept gambling... while we drank all their liquor.  It was us and Mike.  And all the free alcohol we could drink. 

Here we are enjoying our first night out courtesy of Mike.

Here is Mallory dancing on the table:

And here is the lady dancer with the best ass that night:

And when we couldn't drink anymore, we went to the "bathroom" and dipped out leaving Mike sitting at the table all alone... a bitch move, right?  Remember friends, we're blaming it on the alcohol. 
I wonder how long he waited until he realized we left without saying good-bye...  or how long he sat there waiting for his other friends to come back... or how much shit he got for letting us drink their alcohol without putting out? 

Remember that before picture of Mallory?  Well, once we got back to the hotel Mallory decided that she wanted to sit down.  And take off her shoes.  And pass out in the middle of the hall... 

Hey!  Where did you get those socks?

Soooooo... that was just the first night.  And all the stupid things we did that is 100% blamed on alcohol.  Thanks Jaime Foxx for giving us a excuse to act a fool. 

Part 2 of Bachelorette Weekend coming soon!