As my students were dismissed on Friday, I gave each of them a hug. Normally I would stand at the door and ask them "high five, handshake or hug?" And each of them would usually answer high five with the occasional hug thrown in by some girls or my sensitive fella. But not on Friday. Nope, on Friday, I gave everyone an extra long hug before them went home.
I went about my day as usual and only found out what happened at 2:15 - when I went to drop my students off at PE and Mr. N filled me in. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to believe it. But during CLTs I went online and read horrible accounts after horrible accounts. I wanted to cry. Actually, that day I did cry. Unbelievable. I still can't bring myself to watch the news or read articles because how close it is to home. I am a teacher. Of young students. And I work in a school that has an implemented a lock down drill. I would like to think I would be as heroic as the teachers from Sandy Hook. Was it maternal instinct that kicked in? A fight or flight reaction? Or maybe it's just inherent nature of a teacher to protect your children... because they are my children. I don't call them my students. I call them my kids. All 20 of them.
I replay the image in my mind... thinking of my classroom and wondering what I would do. Where would I hide them? How would I protect ALL of them? I don't know. And I pray to God that I will never have to cross that bridge.
These little children had their whole lives ahead of them. Innocent children who went to school thinking they were safe. If they were anything like my students, they learned and laughed and played and talked about how excited they were about Santa. And in a split second, their lives were taken by a boy who maybe didn't get to chance to laugh or play with people at school.
I pride myself in getting to know my students and really looking to see any sort of irregularites. And I bring that to the attention of our guidance counselors in order to get these children some help. My students have a horrible life. They have witnessed horrible things. Some of them have been teased. Some of them have been abused. And it's my job to notice changes or behaviors that aren't deemed as normal. We call school psychologists. We call the social workers. We talk to parents. We call people and put things into action. That's what a teacher should do.
What happened to this particular boy that made him this way? Was anyone there for him to talk to? Did anyone notice? These are questions that have been running through my mind while reading the articles. And it goes back to my JMU days when I advocated for stronger mental health actions. I firmly believe that mental health should be taken more seriously and occupations should allow for my mental health insurance.
I pray for the victims and their families. I cannot even begin to start to imagine what they are going through. I pray for the 20 little angels who are now watching us from Heaven. I pray for everyone to get the help they deserve. But most importantly I pray.
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