Worst Feeling In The World

Tonight I was enjoying a delicious dinner with a co-worker and kept feeling the constant vibrations of my cell phone in my purse.  Not one to be rude, I didn't get out my phone until the bill was paid and we were about to say our good-byes. 

Lots of missed messages. 

Several in fact.  

From my sister.  

The first text message on the screen was "I feel bad."

Why would my sister feel bad for someone?  A break up?  A car accident?  Cancelling plans on someone?  Heard a rumor about someone?

And that's when my heart sank.  No one ever thinks that it could be about a family member.  A family member who jogs everyday.  Doesn't drink alcohol regularly and eats relatively healthy.

Blurs of "hospital, " "heart attack," "tests," "alone," and then... the final shot to the gut, "dad."

It was at that moment that the restaurant went quiet and still.  Time stood still.  The bitching I just did to my amazing co-worker about my job.  Complaining about the lack of money.  Not knowing what to do with my life or if I wanted to go back to school for God knows what.  None of it mattered anymore.  None of it.  In that moment, I wanted to be with my daddy.  Making sure he was okay.   And not scared.

On the way home, I called my Oma and she reassured me that Dad was okay.  The doctors said everything looked okay and they were keeping him overnight to observe and test him more in the morning.  She said she would call me if anything changed.  And I hung up the phone with her, still wanting to go visit him at the hospital.  But I know my Dad.  He would tell us to go home.

The reality of what had actually happened finally hit me after that phone call.  That's when I started crying. That's my dad.  The first man I ever loved.  The one who put cream on my chaffed underarms.  The one who used to buy my pads and tampons.  The one who loved me even when I was terrible.  The one who has provided me with such an amazing life.  The man who wants nothing more than for his kids to be happy.  I wouldn't know what to do without him.

Things sound good and I'll be sure to keep you posted.  But please keep him in your prayers...  in the words of my co-worker "send him some good juju."  I know he would do the same for anyone of you out there.