I don't know where to begin.... this post definitely isn't coming back on a good note. I know I've been away for a long time. I've been away because, to be honest, school started and I am completely overwhelmed. I'm not one to let people know how overwhelmed I am (I like to look cool as a cucumber at all times), but I'm about to unleash it all over you. And I'm okay with it.
Let's rewind to the summertime when my principal thought it would be a great idea to have a co-teaching model in each grade. Classes were put together with all the low ESOL students in one class and the SPED students in another. My grade level this year has 6 classes... there is only one SPED student identified, however, there are so many ESOL students that 2 classes had to be made. Mine was one of them. Fast forward to the beginning of the school year when the principal decided that only grades 3-6 would have a co-teaching model.
Herein lies the problem... he didn't get rid of 2nd grade's ESOL classes. And so, my class of 20 students has 95% ESOL students... with no support. I have 15 students who are SEVERLY below grade level (almost a Kindergarten grade level) and 2 that are already at a 3rd grade level. I have NO.IDEA.HOW.TO.MAKE.THIS.WORK!!
Things that the other 2nd grade classrooms can do in one day, takes my class a few days. I am behind already with no catching up in sight. I try to give enrichment stuff to my two high students but they wiz right through. They are done with all of there work before I'm even finished introducing a concept to the rest of the class... and what do I do with these two high students? I put them on the comptuer.... or, if need be, have them help the other students. This can't go on the rest of the year. But I'm so worried about how to reach my ESOL students that my two highs get the shaft. The idea of differentiating within ALL of the different levels is so daunting. I don't even know where to begin.
The good news is that the other ESOL class is the same as mine... and that teacher and I are always working together and corroborating and complaining... so I"m not alone. And the other teachers are always there for me... though I don't think some of them completely get what we are going through (not including you, M... I know you get it). The other "ESOL" teacher and I have already had crying sessions after school together. We've had several HH just the two of us to unwind after long days. We've bonded over being overwhelmed and frustrated.
I'm frustrated that my students aren't learning. I'm frustrated that I don't know how to teach ESOL students. I'm frustrated that they gave me the ESOL class with no ESOL support (I only speak un pocito Spanish and I can't ask "where is the bathroom?" all day and expect them to learn). I'm frustrated that my schedule doesn't accomodate the support we need. I'm frustrated that I don't know what to do.
I will go ahead and say that I did feel completely validated when the assistant principal looked at my reading levels and asked who put these classes together. Even he can see what a mistake it was. And he is even helping switch schedules around in order for my students (and me) to get more support. And I am very appreciative of that. I know I will do my very best. But it's really hard to stay positive when I feel like I am failing my students. This year will definitely be a huge test for me.
Side note: for all you people out there that tell me that teacher's don't deserve summer vacations, you can shut the eff up. Walk in my shoes for one day and tell me we don't deserve it for the shit money we get paid. Don't get me wrong... I love my job and I love how rewarding it is, but as in life, there are days when I feel like giving up. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.
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